Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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