these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize