Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
there's paper in my vomit.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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