I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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