she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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