Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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