You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
