he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
