I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
