So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
