Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
