After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
