Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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