Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
