i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
