you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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