We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize