Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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