I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
whose parrot is this?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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