Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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