It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
