I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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