I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
