If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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