Hey man sorry I got all grabby
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Come see our sink grown plant.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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