She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i now understand why vodka
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize