Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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