Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
did i just pee glitter
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize