Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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