Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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