Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
