There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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