I just cut my nipple shaving
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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