Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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