My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
