Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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