Non-Jews are for practice
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
