Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
