She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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