i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
