hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
