Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
