even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just googled if crying burns calories
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize