If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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