Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize