Jerry, you need to find god
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
