I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
