I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
