doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
