Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
