C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
