Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
