I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
