Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize