I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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