i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
