Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
How does one acquire holy water?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize