The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
