Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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