Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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