sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
