He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
