I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It's Friday. Sex?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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