thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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