i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
