so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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