Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize