you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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