Come see our sink grown plant.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
