i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
