I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
