we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
