I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
