can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
