My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I could fuck to npr.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
