if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
