I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
