there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
