I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
