he thought i was a dude.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
