Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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