Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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