too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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