onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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