If that was your dad, he is hot
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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